Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline Voice Mail Service
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please have someone press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay where you are until
the black helicopter comes for you.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice in your head will tell you which
number to press.
And, if you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will
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